Sometimes in life,we neglect the abstract;the truths that seems so clear but yet lies so hidden. An instance, is the failure to see our human selves through the eyes of animals. Wether we like it or not,we too are animals.Higher though, the human is, but true is the fact that our lives sometimes seem alike. Far from it our animal instincts but closer yet,the different stages of our lives; the basis of my theory.
After a long evening at the bar with a friend, he gets a call from a Dog Breeder to come and check out a puppy.We exitedly left together,to see this little 'man's best friend'. It was the cutest caucasian I had ever seen. It was chubby and hairy and its nose was so wet it looked like a stuffed animal.
I picked it up and carried it like a baby. I played with it; I rubbed its fur, tickled it and let it chase after me. It loved it and it rolled on its back asking for more then I paused! I took a long look at it and stared into its brown eyes and I realized that this lovely cheerful puppy would grow into a fierce, vicious and perhaps ferocious Dog!
He wouldn't whine,and would not like you to carry him and tickle him without caution anymore. He would prefer to eat more bones with some flesh but not milk and then when you try to make him chase too long,he would bark,bark and bark in anger!
Now you wonder why I am telling you this story, but take a while and ponder; can you see the grown man through the eyes of a Dog? Do they share a similar story from boy to man: puppy to dog?
As a boy, I was my mom's cute puppy. Oh! How she loved to toss me,tickle me,carry me in her arms and cuddle me warmly. I did not resent it one bit. I loved to be tied to her apron and seat on her laps and be willing to do as she says. I would roll on my back and ask for more.
However as a grown man, a fine Dog I have become. Not resenting mom's love but not wanting to be fed milk anymore. I have loosened myself from her apron and I have carved my own space. I am not disobedient but I am not entirely obedient. I bark sometimes when my space is getting crowded and I need some air,I bark really loud when I am being made to chase for too long.It is not a sign of rebellion, it is not anarchy, it is simply the dog; the grown man.
Sometimes mom doesn't understand that the grown man is still that boy only now with his own mind and opinions he wishes to be respected. The grown man is the boy but sandwiched between live ambitions, naked emotions, and human chemistry. He still has a pee-pee but the bushes in its vine makes it a penis and he becomes aware of its other functions.
The grown man is not angry, only not happy to learn that the world, as he once knew it,now had a bed that is not all roses but delicately blended with thorns and he must lie on it. The boy hasn't changed, he only has experienced so much,he has grown.
finally,no matter how far a dog wonders,like the grown man too,he is almost always going to find his way back home.So when he barks, beneath it all,try once more to hear him whine,only then would you understand that he is still that cute little puppy that you once cuddled warmly only now he wants to be heard.woof!woof!!woof!!!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
IF ISLAM MEANS PEACE....
Reading the news papers and watching the news, on both local and international television stations, I am compelled to ask questions. I know I might not get the answers I hope for but if only I could get a good explanation of why world peace is being threatened by religious extremism and radicalism and why the holy prophet Mohammed’s (SAW) faithful are always in complicity.
During my days as a corps member, my closest friend was a calm and gentle Muslim. In the wake of the Boko-Haram crisis, while I was bemoaning the onslaught and the fact that the north is highly flammable like an open keg of petrol waiting for a naked flame, my friend told me that Islam actually means peace; to guide my judgement. I was surprised because I was hearing this for the first time but only now, it made me more confused.
Truly, Islam may mean peace but Scars from the 9/11 terrorist attack still hurt and recent attacks in northern Nigeria by the Boko-Haram sect, Farouk Abdul-Muttalab’s saga, and daily news of bombings from around the world where Muslims are predominant makes it hard to synonymise Islam with peace.
In northern Nigeria, citing the case of the Boko-Haram sect, whose leader; an Islamic scholar and cleric, gathered together or should I say recruited ignorant and vulnerable faithful and began to indoctrinate them against all things western and non-Islam. He certainly was preaching violence as he and his followers left sorrow, tears and blood in the city where they struck. I ask again then, as a cleric and scholar of Islam wasn’t he supposed to be preaching peace? Clearly, he wasn’t.
However, before I am misunderstood, I am not saying that any religion is void of extremism or its manifestations but please watch CNN or even the news from the local stations and you will not be surprised as news of the consequences of men who kill and maim in God’s name and to punish America (like some believe), or like Boko-Haram; to protest against western or anti-Islam education, and for other various reasons begin to roll-in by the hour like the stock market update.
I am moved to tears each time I hear of these killings in Afghanistan, Iraq, Borno, Bauchi, Jos, Kano, and many other places where Islam prevails. It hurts more when I hear that men who carry out these dastardly acts do so for the purpose of attaining al-Jana (heaven) and a promise of a certain number of virgins(I stand to be corrected). How cruel! What kind of god allows you into paradise and gets you laid for killing and maiming fellow Human-beings? It is horrible, how religion eats our sanity and makes monsters out of us.
Nevertheless, some have argued that these men who strap themselves with explosives or those who walk into the streets on a busy day and begin to separate heads from bodies with machetes are not Muslims. So now, I seek to know: is it mere accusation or propaganda that most of the suicide bombers are Muslims and are they not known to cry out loudly, “Allah Akbar” before detonating their weapons of destructions and wrecking havoc on both themselves and innocent, unfortunate others?
It is okay to die for what one believes in but there is absolutely no sense in making others die for it too. I agree that I may not know the grievances of these defiant ones but whatever it is, what would force a man to blow-up himself, fellow citizens, brothers in the faith, and a few foreign nationals? Then again if Islam preaches peace, why do these other adherents choose to self-destruct and take the part of violence rather than seek peaceful resolution.
Finally, I do not write this with any form of bias in mind, neither do I intend to condemn Islam, but to appeal to the conscience of well meaning Muslims who see these things but for fear of being labelled an infidel, do and say nothing. It’s about time someone spoke up in the defence of Islam; evangelising what the faith really stands for. Ignorant as I may seem, what I know is this; no one man has the monopoly of violence and there is a clear distinction between love and hate, peace and war. Asallam allekum!
During my days as a corps member, my closest friend was a calm and gentle Muslim. In the wake of the Boko-Haram crisis, while I was bemoaning the onslaught and the fact that the north is highly flammable like an open keg of petrol waiting for a naked flame, my friend told me that Islam actually means peace; to guide my judgement. I was surprised because I was hearing this for the first time but only now, it made me more confused.
Truly, Islam may mean peace but Scars from the 9/11 terrorist attack still hurt and recent attacks in northern Nigeria by the Boko-Haram sect, Farouk Abdul-Muttalab’s saga, and daily news of bombings from around the world where Muslims are predominant makes it hard to synonymise Islam with peace.
In northern Nigeria, citing the case of the Boko-Haram sect, whose leader; an Islamic scholar and cleric, gathered together or should I say recruited ignorant and vulnerable faithful and began to indoctrinate them against all things western and non-Islam. He certainly was preaching violence as he and his followers left sorrow, tears and blood in the city where they struck. I ask again then, as a cleric and scholar of Islam wasn’t he supposed to be preaching peace? Clearly, he wasn’t.
However, before I am misunderstood, I am not saying that any religion is void of extremism or its manifestations but please watch CNN or even the news from the local stations and you will not be surprised as news of the consequences of men who kill and maim in God’s name and to punish America (like some believe), or like Boko-Haram; to protest against western or anti-Islam education, and for other various reasons begin to roll-in by the hour like the stock market update.
I am moved to tears each time I hear of these killings in Afghanistan, Iraq, Borno, Bauchi, Jos, Kano, and many other places where Islam prevails. It hurts more when I hear that men who carry out these dastardly acts do so for the purpose of attaining al-Jana (heaven) and a promise of a certain number of virgins(I stand to be corrected). How cruel! What kind of god allows you into paradise and gets you laid for killing and maiming fellow Human-beings? It is horrible, how religion eats our sanity and makes monsters out of us.
Nevertheless, some have argued that these men who strap themselves with explosives or those who walk into the streets on a busy day and begin to separate heads from bodies with machetes are not Muslims. So now, I seek to know: is it mere accusation or propaganda that most of the suicide bombers are Muslims and are they not known to cry out loudly, “Allah Akbar” before detonating their weapons of destructions and wrecking havoc on both themselves and innocent, unfortunate others?
It is okay to die for what one believes in but there is absolutely no sense in making others die for it too. I agree that I may not know the grievances of these defiant ones but whatever it is, what would force a man to blow-up himself, fellow citizens, brothers in the faith, and a few foreign nationals? Then again if Islam preaches peace, why do these other adherents choose to self-destruct and take the part of violence rather than seek peaceful resolution.
Finally, I do not write this with any form of bias in mind, neither do I intend to condemn Islam, but to appeal to the conscience of well meaning Muslims who see these things but for fear of being labelled an infidel, do and say nothing. It’s about time someone spoke up in the defence of Islam; evangelising what the faith really stands for. Ignorant as I may seem, what I know is this; no one man has the monopoly of violence and there is a clear distinction between love and hate, peace and war. Asallam allekum!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
THE ROSARY; NOT THE BLING-BLING
Today’s youths, with the oil prices fluctuating and the global stock market struggling to recover from recession, have no choice but to invest in fashion. Consequently, the days of oil boom have been put behind us, with the fashion boom taking its stead. Now, I have no problem with the outrageous and burgeoning craze for fashion as I too am fashion savvy but what I won’t condone is when we begin to equate sacred beads and divine items with the BLING-BLING.
Growing up, I was a devout member of the Block Rosary Crusade and since then, I have remained devoted to praying the Rosary while counting on its beads. Hitherto, some wore the Rosary as a sign of their faith, some others wore it for protection from evil, but more recently people now wear it as a fashion accessory. Ave Maria!
The recent increase in the sales of the rosary noticed in the Catholic Church has drawn the attention of its leaders. This increase in rosary sales has been attributed to rising popularity amongst the youths, celebrities and rock stars, who favour it as the jewellery of choice. How spiritual! Rock stars and celebrities like Britney spears, Tyrese, David Beckham, to mention a few, have been photographed wearing the rosary without any pious affiliations or obligations. Many of the celebrities who also adorn these holy beads are either atheist or Satanist. Then you wonder what the significance of the rosary on their necks is; a fashion statement, mockery of the church or a contradiction to religion?
These days it is a common thing to see agberos (street urchins) wearing more than one rosary at a time while harassing bus drivers and causing a menace to the society. I even have friends who are non-Catholic, some Muslims who own more than 3 different rosaries to match different colours of their several rock star tops. Some seem to favour them more with tattooed shirts which have designs filled with various depictions of Satanism in form of skulls, guns, blood, knives, thorns and roses. What a contrast! Painfully, young Catholics like me walk this same path. Rather than use the rosary to pray, they join others who desecrate and use them as blings to up their swag. More so, regarding the fact that the rosary is cheaper than the bling-bling, its sheer affordability and availability have made it the premium bling of choice for every vilde, tansa and fashionista.
However, I understand that some rosaries are so beautifully crafted and designed that one is tempted to mistake it for a fashion accessory but just in case people have forgotten the differences between the rosary and the blings, I will remind them. While the bling-bling may be worn as fashion accessory and may have pendants ranging from skulls, guns, upside-down crosses etc, hanging from it, the rosary, unlike the blings, is an object of prayer, with a crucifix hanging down from it and so it must be revered. From history the rosary was handed down to saints who used it to perform great miracles and achieve divine feats, but the same can’t be said of the bling-bling.
In a world where darkness is overshadowing light at an alarming speed, people; especially the vulnerable young, quickly adopt abomination as a norm. It is a mocking enough to describe the devil as beautiful and charming but please do not describe Jesus as SEXY! One female artist already did, referring to Jesus on the cross as shirtless and hot. Lord, have mercy on us. Then again if you see me wearing a platinum or emerald rosary on my neck and my shirt seems to match, do not judge me because I am probably travelling, walking the streets at night, or saying this prayer; Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and until we realise what a sacrilege we have immersed ourselves in by using the Rosary as Bling –bling.
Growing up, I was a devout member of the Block Rosary Crusade and since then, I have remained devoted to praying the Rosary while counting on its beads. Hitherto, some wore the Rosary as a sign of their faith, some others wore it for protection from evil, but more recently people now wear it as a fashion accessory. Ave Maria!
The recent increase in the sales of the rosary noticed in the Catholic Church has drawn the attention of its leaders. This increase in rosary sales has been attributed to rising popularity amongst the youths, celebrities and rock stars, who favour it as the jewellery of choice. How spiritual! Rock stars and celebrities like Britney spears, Tyrese, David Beckham, to mention a few, have been photographed wearing the rosary without any pious affiliations or obligations. Many of the celebrities who also adorn these holy beads are either atheist or Satanist. Then you wonder what the significance of the rosary on their necks is; a fashion statement, mockery of the church or a contradiction to religion?
These days it is a common thing to see agberos (street urchins) wearing more than one rosary at a time while harassing bus drivers and causing a menace to the society. I even have friends who are non-Catholic, some Muslims who own more than 3 different rosaries to match different colours of their several rock star tops. Some seem to favour them more with tattooed shirts which have designs filled with various depictions of Satanism in form of skulls, guns, blood, knives, thorns and roses. What a contrast! Painfully, young Catholics like me walk this same path. Rather than use the rosary to pray, they join others who desecrate and use them as blings to up their swag. More so, regarding the fact that the rosary is cheaper than the bling-bling, its sheer affordability and availability have made it the premium bling of choice for every vilde, tansa and fashionista.
However, I understand that some rosaries are so beautifully crafted and designed that one is tempted to mistake it for a fashion accessory but just in case people have forgotten the differences between the rosary and the blings, I will remind them. While the bling-bling may be worn as fashion accessory and may have pendants ranging from skulls, guns, upside-down crosses etc, hanging from it, the rosary, unlike the blings, is an object of prayer, with a crucifix hanging down from it and so it must be revered. From history the rosary was handed down to saints who used it to perform great miracles and achieve divine feats, but the same can’t be said of the bling-bling.
In a world where darkness is overshadowing light at an alarming speed, people; especially the vulnerable young, quickly adopt abomination as a norm. It is a mocking enough to describe the devil as beautiful and charming but please do not describe Jesus as SEXY! One female artist already did, referring to Jesus on the cross as shirtless and hot. Lord, have mercy on us. Then again if you see me wearing a platinum or emerald rosary on my neck and my shirt seems to match, do not judge me because I am probably travelling, walking the streets at night, or saying this prayer; Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and until we realise what a sacrilege we have immersed ourselves in by using the Rosary as Bling –bling.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
25 RAMDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
1. My name is also Sylvester.
2. I was named Richard after my father and Sylvester after my grand father!
3. I have a phobia for a mother hen.(had a bad experience as a kid)
4. My brand of beer is Gulder!
5. I never had pimples as an adolescent and till now.I only get pimples when I drink Star.
6. If there was no God,I would worship my mother.
7. I am passionate about my family and friends.
8. I hate boiled fresh fish,but I eat cat fish pepper soup-point n fire!
9. I'm a Gemini!
10. I love me a bottle of fine wine and a lady on high heels anytime
11. I'm afraid of not getting a 6packs before am to old to show dem off!
12. I love to write
13. Love to party- I can and love to dance a lot!
14. I hate doing dishes
15. I don't eat every part of a chicken.I only eat the drum sticks.
16. I don't actually have a favorite meal....I absolutely love to eat.
17. I wish I was bigger and could weigh up to 85kg.(I weigh 75.4kg)
18.I talk!
19. I have been called D'banj ,Tu-face, 9ice n Obiwon and once, a girl said I have Lemar's eyes.
20. I've been drunk and wasted, twice.
21. Looking good is my bad habit.
22. I'm an arsenal fan!but I'ld still eat my meal if dey lose a game.
23. Traveling by air,room service,Baileys and Red label are a few of my favorite things!
24. I'm Mr.niceguy-Very caring!
25. You have to meet me to find out the remaining 1000000000975!
2. I was named Richard after my father and Sylvester after my grand father!
3. I have a phobia for a mother hen.(had a bad experience as a kid)
4. My brand of beer is Gulder!
5. I never had pimples as an adolescent and till now.I only get pimples when I drink Star.
6. If there was no God,I would worship my mother.
7. I am passionate about my family and friends.
8. I hate boiled fresh fish,but I eat cat fish pepper soup-point n fire!
9. I'm a Gemini!
10. I love me a bottle of fine wine and a lady on high heels anytime
11. I'm afraid of not getting a 6packs before am to old to show dem off!
12. I love to write
13. Love to party- I can and love to dance a lot!
14. I hate doing dishes
15. I don't eat every part of a chicken.I only eat the drum sticks.
16. I don't actually have a favorite meal....I absolutely love to eat.
17. I wish I was bigger and could weigh up to 85kg.(I weigh 75.4kg)
18.I talk!
19. I have been called D'banj ,Tu-face, 9ice n Obiwon and once, a girl said I have Lemar's eyes.
20. I've been drunk and wasted, twice.
21. Looking good is my bad habit.
22. I'm an arsenal fan!but I'ld still eat my meal if dey lose a game.
23. Traveling by air,room service,Baileys and Red label are a few of my favorite things!
24. I'm Mr.niceguy-Very caring!
25. You have to meet me to find out the remaining 1000000000975!
THE NYSC ANTHEM
Youths obey the clarion call(just to be patriotic)
-Let us lift our nation high(since our leaders cant lift it from age long greed)
-Under the sun or in the rain(please,na we spoil am,how much we chop)
-With dedication and selflessness(with N9,500,dedication only)
-Nigeria is ours(although a few get the cash)
-,Nigeria we serve!(monkey dey work,baboon they chop)
-Let us lift our nation high(since our leaders cant lift it from age long greed)
-Under the sun or in the rain(please,na we spoil am,how much we chop)
-With dedication and selflessness(with N9,500,dedication only)
-Nigeria is ours(although a few get the cash)
-,Nigeria we serve!(monkey dey work,baboon they chop)
RULES OF THE GAME
Without trying to sound like an archetypal male, here are some rules governing going out with boys;
1. Never play hard to get cos on the long run you might seem the cheapest of them all.
2. Try as much as possible to show that you appreciate his presence by hugging or kissing him in public, adjusting his shirt....you know the stuffs PDA (public display of affection) is made of!
3. Be proud of your boyfriend. Don't be ashamed to say "he is my love or boyfriend" when you introduce him to friends.
4. Never collect raw cash from him except in cases where you really need to do so. Try as much as possible to show him you don't love him because of this money.
5. Show him that you are more caring by giving him more love or affection than he offers.
6. Make him realize that you don't need his money by giving him more expensive gifts than he gives or has given you.
7. Last of all try to keep your affair with him secret i.e. what you say to each other, but feel free to boast of his sexual prowess to your friends!
1. Never play hard to get cos on the long run you might seem the cheapest of them all.
2. Try as much as possible to show that you appreciate his presence by hugging or kissing him in public, adjusting his shirt....you know the stuffs PDA (public display of affection) is made of!
3. Be proud of your boyfriend. Don't be ashamed to say "he is my love or boyfriend" when you introduce him to friends.
4. Never collect raw cash from him except in cases where you really need to do so. Try as much as possible to show him you don't love him because of this money.
5. Show him that you are more caring by giving him more love or affection than he offers.
6. Make him realize that you don't need his money by giving him more expensive gifts than he gives or has given you.
7. Last of all try to keep your affair with him secret i.e. what you say to each other, but feel free to boast of his sexual prowess to your friends!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
THE CHIC PALAVA
I just came to realize that no mater how long you've bin in d game,u cant seem to understand girls!
They come in different packages n with amazingly different attitudes but one thing they have in common is that they are all ''EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE"...now thats where all d headaches comes!
She sees u,gives u d eye,tells her friends she wants your bod,but wen u make advances,she takes u on a merry-go-round like say she no want.
She changes her facebook relationship status to 'engaged', after a while it changes to 'its complicated'
she falls for you,but she never admits it!yet she sends u very sweet text messages that end with 'i love u'
She comes ova n u guys start to get horny,u to kiss n caress,and she even gives u a 'blow' but wen u take out a 'CD' she begins to cry n say "its not right"...then u wonder which-the fact that u r about 2 have sex or that she's about 2 leave u wit a hard-on!why d hell did u give a 'job'
u ask her to marry u and after 18 months of trying to convince her, she finally agrees n begins to wear the engagement ring!suddenly she runs into her 'Ex' (whom she ditched cos she was getting married) n she cancels d wedding gown order, calls you and says ''am having doubts,i need time 2 pray n see my pastor"....wasn't 18 months enough to pull down heaven wit prayers n go see all d pastors!
U r dating her,n she starts telling about the rich guy in her hostel,who 'she hates' cos he shows off!suddenly he begins 2 call her n they hang out sometimes.wen u ask she says ''he's a caring neighbour"! 2 months after she dumps u n starts dating him....yet she told u she didn't care if u rich or not.TYPICAL
U argue wit her,she walks u out of her apartment n she wont take your calls,but wen u decide to let her be,she sends u a text saying she had a flu and u didn't care to call or text 2 know how she's been doing....'boy! i tot we was through'
So many times they act like the lyrics of a Celine Dion song.."i love u ,then i hate u,i hate u,then i love u,O! i love u"
she says she loves your lean muscle n u have jst d perfect body,yet wen she describes her ideal man she says 'I'ld like him 2 have d face of my father,d heart of Mandela n d body of Tyson Beckford''...where do you fit in?!
Despite their "STOP IT,I LIKE IT'' culture,chicks are the best addition to the 'mans' world!as mom,sisters,wives, friends,as a boss!wonder what you'ld ever do without them!stable or unstable,i love all ya!
They come in different packages n with amazingly different attitudes but one thing they have in common is that they are all ''EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE"...now thats where all d headaches comes!
She sees u,gives u d eye,tells her friends she wants your bod,but wen u make advances,she takes u on a merry-go-round like say she no want.
She changes her facebook relationship status to 'engaged', after a while it changes to 'its complicated'
she falls for you,but she never admits it!yet she sends u very sweet text messages that end with 'i love u'
She comes ova n u guys start to get horny,u to kiss n caress,and she even gives u a 'blow' but wen u take out a 'CD' she begins to cry n say "its not right"...then u wonder which-the fact that u r about 2 have sex or that she's about 2 leave u wit a hard-on!why d hell did u give a 'job'
u ask her to marry u and after 18 months of trying to convince her, she finally agrees n begins to wear the engagement ring!suddenly she runs into her 'Ex' (whom she ditched cos she was getting married) n she cancels d wedding gown order, calls you and says ''am having doubts,i need time 2 pray n see my pastor"....wasn't 18 months enough to pull down heaven wit prayers n go see all d pastors!
U r dating her,n she starts telling about the rich guy in her hostel,who 'she hates' cos he shows off!suddenly he begins 2 call her n they hang out sometimes.wen u ask she says ''he's a caring neighbour"! 2 months after she dumps u n starts dating him....yet she told u she didn't care if u rich or not.TYPICAL
U argue wit her,she walks u out of her apartment n she wont take your calls,but wen u decide to let her be,she sends u a text saying she had a flu and u didn't care to call or text 2 know how she's been doing....'boy! i tot we was through'
So many times they act like the lyrics of a Celine Dion song.."i love u ,then i hate u,i hate u,then i love u,O! i love u"
she says she loves your lean muscle n u have jst d perfect body,yet wen she describes her ideal man she says 'I'ld like him 2 have d face of my father,d heart of Mandela n d body of Tyson Beckford''...where do you fit in?!
Despite their "STOP IT,I LIKE IT'' culture,chicks are the best addition to the 'mans' world!as mom,sisters,wives, friends,as a boss!wonder what you'ld ever do without them!stable or unstable,i love all ya!
TEN THINGS HE LOVES TO HEAR
1. How much you love him.
2. How much you miss him-even if he only went into the bathroom.
3. How good he is in bed-exaggerated!
4. How much you appreciate him.
5. How handsome he is –even if kingkong is more charming.
6. How much you love his mother-even though she acts like crueller-de-vil.
7. That you love his worked out body-even though he only began to work out a week ago
8. That he looks good in that shirt.
9. That you don't mind him watching the game on t.v-even if your fave soap is on at the same time.
10. That his friends are cool and so funny-even though they crack boring jokes
2. How much you miss him-even if he only went into the bathroom.
3. How good he is in bed-exaggerated!
4. How much you appreciate him.
5. How handsome he is –even if kingkong is more charming.
6. How much you love his mother-even though she acts like crueller-de-vil.
7. That you love his worked out body-even though he only began to work out a week ago
8. That he looks good in that shirt.
9. That you don't mind him watching the game on t.v-even if your fave soap is on at the same time.
10. That his friends are cool and so funny-even though they crack boring jokes
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
THE POST-UME MENACE
Sometime ago, a few months back actually, the not-so-honorable members of the House of Representatives (by now, we all know the only thing they represent is their selfish interest and their individual pockets) argued on the benefits and demerits of the Post-UME (University Matriculation examinations) examinations. Many agreed that it was creating double cost and it was inconveniencing to both the candidates and their parents. Some went ahead to question the integrity of the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) if there had to be another examination to revalidate its results and qualify students seeking admission into the nations tertiary institutions. After hearing the arguments the speaker of the house, Hon. Dimeji Bankole agreed that it (the post-UME) should be suspended until further notice.
This development gave rise to a lot of debates in the media. Series of interviews with officials of the National University Council (NUC) and officials from JAMB were aired live on television. For a moment we all thought our law makers were worth their salt, or should I say their outrageous allowances. Surprisingly, before parents and candidates could hive a sigh of relief, universities and other tertiary institutions within the country began the sales of post-UME forms and scratch cards.
TODAY; the 19th of July, the time is 9 0’clock.I write to you from the front gate of the Igbariam campus of the Anambra State University (ANSU) where I am the chaperone to my younger brother who is seating for the post-UME. To be eligible we had to part with N3,200.00 only as payment for the post-UME forms. Travel allowances, and other inconveniencies are not included. To be eligible in Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, one has to pay a thousand naira and I am thinking perhaps because it is a federal university.
Now staring into the visibly downcast, stressed and worry-stricken faces of these fellow youths; some younger, some older than my twenty-something year old self, I begin to wonder when Hon.Dimeji Bankole, who has now become famous for suspending his nemesis and arch-rivals and who also suspended this sham of an exam, lifted the suspension. Maybe I missed the news or I didn’t read the dailies where he said the suspension was lifted but I sure watched the one where he did say “suspended until further notice”. The only thing I may have not been able to decipher is if he was laughing or joking when he was saying it or maybe as this is Nigeria, portable bullion vans have changed hands. Yes! I said it.
If you had watched the interview on Channels television, with one of the female executives of the NUC, you would have seen how shallow she was in her arguments. All she did, for those of us who read between the lines well, was defend the money she gets from the very lucrative business called Post-UME. Our leaders have seized to be for the people as it is meant to be in a democratic government. They only concern themselves with the passage and sustenance of bills that enrich them and the few privileged Elite.
Back to my present location. Even in a small unit of the nation you can still find all the symptoms of the disease that has plagued it. Right now, the desperate youths (who can blame them) are trying to gain entrance into the university premises; the venue of the exams, in a manner that seems like a Tug-of-War. Doing their best to restrain the students and maintain orderliness, the ill thinking security personnel are releasing shots from a pump action gun into the air and soon they begin to abuse the human rights of these young adults further by whipping them with a horse whip and branches from trees.
On the other hand, commercial exploitation takes center stage as traders do their best to over maximize profit. To have your passport stapled onto your examination slip cost N10.00 per pin and a bottle of 7up that cost N50 is being sold for 60. With no one to look up to, these youths seek divine intervention from the almighty and merciful God. I watch as they bow their heads and stretch their already tired arms, with their writing materials in them, out. A self acclaimed man of God now begins to pray for their success. I don’t know if they gave offerings at the end.
Nevertheless, as a good “tatafoo”, I take time to listen to the discussion going on next to me and the news that caught my ears is that there’s been an accident. A post-UME candidate trying to make it to the venue on commercial motorbike was crushed. Now the inherent risks of the cross country journeys, accompanied with travel expenses have been made obvious; the financial burden being the lesser of the evils.
A professional journalist is not what I am but if you like you can call me a professional “amebo”, but at this point let me also ask; if Ghana and the United kingdom require only West African Secondary School Examination (WASSCE) to admit Nigerian students, how come two exams, the WASSCE and JAMB administered UME, is not enough to qualify a Nigerian for entry into a Nigerian university? Something is obviously wrong with JAMB; perhaps it lacks integrity or why would the Post-UME be required to revalidate the scores obtained from JAMB.
At this point, the sun is at its blazing peak and I still can’t find a decent seat to rest my human sticks, so I support the motion for the Post-UME to be SCRAPPED. Then again if the honorable speaker’s word is not law then mine is best left unsaid, but na me get my mouth!
This development gave rise to a lot of debates in the media. Series of interviews with officials of the National University Council (NUC) and officials from JAMB were aired live on television. For a moment we all thought our law makers were worth their salt, or should I say their outrageous allowances. Surprisingly, before parents and candidates could hive a sigh of relief, universities and other tertiary institutions within the country began the sales of post-UME forms and scratch cards.
TODAY; the 19th of July, the time is 9 0’clock.I write to you from the front gate of the Igbariam campus of the Anambra State University (ANSU) where I am the chaperone to my younger brother who is seating for the post-UME. To be eligible we had to part with N3,200.00 only as payment for the post-UME forms. Travel allowances, and other inconveniencies are not included. To be eligible in Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, one has to pay a thousand naira and I am thinking perhaps because it is a federal university.
Now staring into the visibly downcast, stressed and worry-stricken faces of these fellow youths; some younger, some older than my twenty-something year old self, I begin to wonder when Hon.Dimeji Bankole, who has now become famous for suspending his nemesis and arch-rivals and who also suspended this sham of an exam, lifted the suspension. Maybe I missed the news or I didn’t read the dailies where he said the suspension was lifted but I sure watched the one where he did say “suspended until further notice”. The only thing I may have not been able to decipher is if he was laughing or joking when he was saying it or maybe as this is Nigeria, portable bullion vans have changed hands. Yes! I said it.
If you had watched the interview on Channels television, with one of the female executives of the NUC, you would have seen how shallow she was in her arguments. All she did, for those of us who read between the lines well, was defend the money she gets from the very lucrative business called Post-UME. Our leaders have seized to be for the people as it is meant to be in a democratic government. They only concern themselves with the passage and sustenance of bills that enrich them and the few privileged Elite.
Back to my present location. Even in a small unit of the nation you can still find all the symptoms of the disease that has plagued it. Right now, the desperate youths (who can blame them) are trying to gain entrance into the university premises; the venue of the exams, in a manner that seems like a Tug-of-War. Doing their best to restrain the students and maintain orderliness, the ill thinking security personnel are releasing shots from a pump action gun into the air and soon they begin to abuse the human rights of these young adults further by whipping them with a horse whip and branches from trees.
On the other hand, commercial exploitation takes center stage as traders do their best to over maximize profit. To have your passport stapled onto your examination slip cost N10.00 per pin and a bottle of 7up that cost N50 is being sold for 60. With no one to look up to, these youths seek divine intervention from the almighty and merciful God. I watch as they bow their heads and stretch their already tired arms, with their writing materials in them, out. A self acclaimed man of God now begins to pray for their success. I don’t know if they gave offerings at the end.
Nevertheless, as a good “tatafoo”, I take time to listen to the discussion going on next to me and the news that caught my ears is that there’s been an accident. A post-UME candidate trying to make it to the venue on commercial motorbike was crushed. Now the inherent risks of the cross country journeys, accompanied with travel expenses have been made obvious; the financial burden being the lesser of the evils.
A professional journalist is not what I am but if you like you can call me a professional “amebo”, but at this point let me also ask; if Ghana and the United kingdom require only West African Secondary School Examination (WASSCE) to admit Nigerian students, how come two exams, the WASSCE and JAMB administered UME, is not enough to qualify a Nigerian for entry into a Nigerian university? Something is obviously wrong with JAMB; perhaps it lacks integrity or why would the Post-UME be required to revalidate the scores obtained from JAMB.
At this point, the sun is at its blazing peak and I still can’t find a decent seat to rest my human sticks, so I support the motion for the Post-UME to be SCRAPPED. Then again if the honorable speaker’s word is not law then mine is best left unsaid, but na me get my mouth!
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